Oh hey, another Aquinas-Nazareth "Mass"!

Today was the beginning of Catholic Schools Week, therefore Aquinas deemed it necessary to have a "mass" with the entire school, as well as all of Nazareth Elementary. As it can be imagined, this went about as well as the last one, if a bit worse.



Father Bob Werth said the mass. I didn't realize how much this would change the entire mass until he opened his mouth. In the opening prayer it was mentioned somewhere about that we shall be solemn "for the next hour or hour and a half." I thought they were joking, but the mass started at 9:30 and ended at eleven. Long masses are wonderful when they're, say, Latin mass, but the Father Werth Long Mass is painful.



Father started the FWLM by encouraging us to do the "big sign of the cross," whereupon he scooped his hands in various ways that vaguely resembled the sign of the cross but seemed more like he was warding off an impending attacker who stood five feet away from him, and somehow his feet were glued to the floor.



The Opening Hymn was, "Shine, Jesus, Shine." during this hymn, the Nazareth dancers (the same ones from last time, only there were more of them and their dresses contained less fabric.*)paraded around the congregation in the center of the gym, waving their arms in some sort of weird ritualistic dance. This time, they looked less like zombies and more like they were offering up the corn harvest.



*I don't know why it's so hard for the little Nazareth dancers to wear sleeves. I understand that ladies no longer wish to wear hats to church, and, as painful as it is, I think it's not something that can really be controlled anymore. But please, ladies, cover your shoulders when you go to mass. If I could have, i would have given all those girls the Paper Sheets of Shame, like they do in Italian churches.



Father then opened the mass and commented on the situation in Egypt, and somehow the phrase, "it's not all about the money" sneaked into his speech about three times. It was hard for me to see how it was related because it was hard for me to listen to him at all.



The reading(first and only) and the responsorial psalm went passably, in that they weren't mentally scarring. The Gospel was from Mark, and it was a good reading. The mass really sterted to go awry at the beginning of the homily.



Father began by discussing the importance of Catholic schools, which is a good thing, since it seems like our diocese doesn't really seem to get that. He didn't talk about the fact that they needed to stay open, though. He spent quite a lot of time praising Aquinas and nazareth for being such good schools and then began discussing his opinions on money. The phrase, "It's not all about the money" was most of the next part as he said it, then muttered some point about how parents work hard to keep kids in school (which is true), uttered the phrase again, said something else that didn't really seem related, then shouted the phrase a few more times.

Somewhere in the homiliy Father Werth stopped talking about schools and started talking about weather. He was annoyed, he said, that people care so much about weather when it doesn't really matter. At this point I was on the verge of hysterical laughter and had to struggle to maintain silence.

The rest of the homily was him again screaming, "It's not all about the money" a few hundred times more for good measure and then saying some other stuff. One of these other things was him talking about how Jesus is such a crucial part of our life that he should be the answer to everything. He then began asking everyday questions and encouraging the congregation to respond with, 'Jesus!'. It went as follows (With FW ans the priest and C as the congregation):

FW: What's up?
C: Jesus!
FW: How's it going?
C: Jesus!
FW: What's the weather like?
C: Jesus!
FW: How are you?
C: Jesus!

There were more casual questions that made no sense with the answer as Jesus, but I think the point is there.
He then went on to give five questions that people should be asking themselves daily. I don't remember exactly what they were, but I can assure you that they were cheesy things such as, 'How do I see the world differently?" and "Who is in heaven that I should be looking to?" [Both the answers were, of course, Jesus.]

Eventually, the homily ended and after some other, less significantly painful parts of mass, we arrived at the Eucharistic Prayer. During this prayer, the Father would change the words at will, both to change the meaning and to remind everyone of his homily. There were, in the end, maybe two or three sentences of the prayer that were completely unchanged, if that.

The Communion song was, "Lean on Me, " and I still have no idea how that is a church song. After that song was the song, "Seasons of Love," which was apparently from the musical Rent. It made me ashamed of the Aquinas choir, because usually they're pretty okay with at least singing fairly religious songs. Their voices were amazing, but, again, I failed to see how it was related to anything else.

After the usual dull "Post communion reflection" and prayers was the graduation of one of the Chinese exchange students, Joyce, and it went acceptably. Once that was over, however, the mass again became awful as the little dancers gathered again, dancing to the song, "I Send You Out," which is one of those songs upon which dissertations could be written about how awful it is.

In short, the mass was terrible. None of the elements tied together, the homily made absolutely no sense, and the words were changed for all of it. I don't feel "churched," and I don't think anyone else does either,